I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
