I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
