So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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