when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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