WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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