Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
