I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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