Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
