Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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