She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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