great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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