do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you didnt know i had herpes?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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