We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
