I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
