In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
