I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He shit in the fireplace
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize