Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
