I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
