dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
