i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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