After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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