I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to fling myself into the sun
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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