I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
