you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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