Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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