I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You made out with two different species that night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
