He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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