On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to make out with him forever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
