So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
