He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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