make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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