I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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