If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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