Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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