i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize