is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
