the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My cat gives me a boner
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
