your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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