if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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