ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize