one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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