you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
