Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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