is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My ATM looks so different sober.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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