I just made out with a guy for $7.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
