am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
