I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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