Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The best revenge is premature balding
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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