it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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