Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just high enough for therapy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
