Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
