That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
