I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize