If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
