Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
