god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
