You're so nebulous sometimes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize