Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
