I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
