remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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