Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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