chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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