Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize