Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
