My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my poor anus
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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