I cannot find my penis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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