He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
