Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this will be a night to untag.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
