i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize