just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
this beer tastes like vomit already
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
