About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
