I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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