Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
