There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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