I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize