i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
