I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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