remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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