i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
