i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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