I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
