32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
