We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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