As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
