I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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