I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
