:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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