i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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