I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
