too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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