...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
