Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
