I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
