Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
