I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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